LOVE MATTERS

Love, love, love, it's magical in almost everyone's life. Some says that love is blind, yet I believe lovers are blind. Everything which was acceptable in love becomes guilt in marriage. In Hinduism, our ancestors had been fervently practising on the habit of 'match-making' , whereby we have 10 'porutham' (matches).

Following are the matches:

- Dhina Kuta - match for fortune/misfortune/good health
- Gana Kuta - match for character and temperament, to ensure happy life.
- Mahendra Kuta -match for luck through children
-Stree Deergha Kuta - match for financial stability / prosperity
-Yoni - match for sexual compatibility
-Rasi - match for life quality (wealth vs poverty, happiness vs sorrow, health vs disease, unity vs separation)
- Rasi Adipathi - match for affection towards each other
-Vasya - match for co-operation and mutual love
-Rajju - match for strength and duration of married life
-Vedha- match for prevention of affliction or persistant distress.

There are more of these 'porutham', but these 10 are considered vital at this modern age. 5 of these porutham are considered extremely important for marriage. Those are Dhina, Gana, Rajju, Yoni and Rasi.
Dhina and Rajju were seen important as they predict the longevity of marriage and prevents early death of either one of the couples. On the other hand, Gana, Yoni and Rasi symbolize the quality  and the stability of the marriage. If they scores 8 matches or more, the unity is considered as excellent.

Nowadays, arranged marriages are always the last option. Youths prefers their own choice, withdrawing the hassles of match-making from their parents. Love marriage is common, love first, horoscope next and it is usually only for the satisfaction of the elderly in the family. Even when there is mismatch, some couples insists to marry. Some still end up marrying after performing some religious ritual (parikaram). And we can't say that these factors alone will lead to 'happily ever after' life. There is some misconception about match-making, it is never to find a perfect marriage, but it is just an effort to sustain as much as happiness and unity in marriage.

In my opinion, our life is affected by Karma and we have to face what is meant for us. Even 'parikaram' can't help to eliminate but just merely alleviate the effect of the Karma. When parents opt for 10 porutham, I wonder if anyone cared for 'Mana porutham' ? Simply carries the meaning as soul-match. 20 to 30 years ago, women were obedient to their husband's word. Now, with highly educated population on rise, do we still preserve such attitude? Ego grows along with education and career. Men and women are equal. This is when 'Mana Porutham' beats all the rest of the porutham.

Love is rarely eternal in this age. Marriages are often ending in divorces. I think, lack of understanding between the couples are one of the most outstanding reason. You can tolerate your lover, but not your spouse. If you dislike certain charateristics of him or her, don't you see that when both of you were in love? In love, a common mistake is trying to impress each other. I think a better method would be to upset each other. If your weaknesses are visible before unity, better decision could be made in determining if the relationship is to be continued or to be discontinued.

 'Mana porutham' includes your intimacy in sharing happiness and sorrow, ability to sustain difficulties together, ability to complement each other's imperfections, ability to remain loyal to each other, ability to pursue trust on each other, ability to protect each others need and ability to defend each other. Usually, love starts with sexual attraction to opposite gender, but develops deeply into the other aspects.That is what make it beautiful.. However, many of us think differently, such as love is to be together, love is to call each other, love is to control each other and others.



If you're in love, and you wants to marry him/her:

- First ask yourself, why you love him/her? (Often love has no reason. Beauty, sexual need, despair,dependency and pride are example of affection, and not truly love)

- Second, ask yourself, if you're willing to commit? (Analyze the weaknesses first, and think you can tolerate that for the rest of your marriage?)

- Third, if you're a girl, are you accepting him for the way he is? (Girls, be cautious. You're the most significant victim in marriage. You can love any handsome idiot, but when it comes to marriage, choose the one who can make you happy. He should not be afraid of responsibility and pursue some degree of stability in life. If you choose the right person, your children will be thanking you for giving them a wonderful father)

- Fourth, if you're a guy, are you a man yet? (Of course age defines your manhood generally, but your attitude and thinking define it specifically. Are you ready to be the family's head? Can you support your wife's needs? May it be financially, physically or psychologically? Are ready to be loyal? If you're just looking around for sexual pleasure merely, I think you're not ready for marriage, don't commit and suffer later.)

Ok friends, there is neither perfect man nor perfect woman in this world. Everyone has weakness. There is no perfect partner, but a partner who makes you to feel perfect is the best gift in life.Almost everyone has your own soulmate, it's just that you haven't meet him or her yet. Time is the best answer. Anyway, remember, arrogance is the tight enemy in love. If eveything else is fine, at times you have to deal with your own ego. Otherwise, you might have your soulmate walking away from your life.

Stay Loved! Happy Valentine (I believe it is not annually but daily)

That's why I love him very much.

Life is often unfair. Losing our loved ones isn't easy. We all are mortal, and we have to die one day. Death is only for the body. Memory shall be cherished forever because memories are eternal and imperishable. It is really a big challenge if you lose your parents at the young age. For a girl like me, losing father means more like losing protection. The feeling of grief is not easily understood by others who are not undergoing the same situation. No matter how much consolation we shall receive, grief remains grief. Sometimes, people mistaken us for being negative, but they just don't get our real feeling. Talking is a real easy job. Now, my father really meant a lot to me. He's gone for about one and half years now but I still cry at night thinking about him.

My father only lived up to his fifties. He wasn't any important person, but he was very significant for me. As far as I remember, I never forget to pray for him. He was a blue collar worker, a real workaholic. My mum never really liked this particular habit of him so they often argue. My mother complained he never brings her out for much outing. I enjoyed every outing with my father, even if was only to the nearby supermarket. I don't know why but going out with my father was really a fun factor for me.

I am not a very cuddly type. I am not the type who like to show physical love but my love was very much abstract. So did my father and perhaps I've inherited that from him. My love was always simple. I opened door for him when he came back from work, sometimes at 5pm and sometimes later in night. His work has irregular working hour. Often he came back at 5 am, sometimes his work began at 12 am. Anyway, whenever he came back at 5 pm, for most of the time I would see him brought back 'pisang goreng' or other teatime food. I often get extremely worried if I didn't hear my father's key unlocking the gate. I would start to pray harder. I would go to bed early but I hardly sleep until my father safely return home.

My love for my father was by serving his lunch and then wash his plate. I collected his dry clothes and folded them back into the wardrobe. If I saw anything torn, I used to sew that neatly for him. Most of his shirts were my gifts for him during his birthdays. He hardly spend his money for his clothes. He would rather spend them on cans of beer. He said that thing helped him to overcome his tiredness. My father had worked very hard for all his life. Sometimes, I used to see back home, being fully soaked in black oil. He had to paint under burning sun on oil tanks. He didn't even owned any branded shoes. Most of the time he would be on his iron shoes, which he used in his workplace. He didn't have good spectacles to read. He used those worth Rm 1o which he obtained from the backstreet market.

My father loved music amplifiers. He spent his money on them, on Beegees, on Richard Cliff and other oldies. And I would sit and watch him doing karaoke. I still keep his belongings, though I don't know how to fix them back to make them function. I hugged my father's car for many times before I sold that off after his death. I still keep the last watch he bought for me though it is not functioning now. I had heart to throw away any of his belongings. They mean a lot for me.

I never directly asked anything from my father. All my needs shall used to undergo my mum. Now, she was like a medium. In fact, my father never said no for any of my requests. I never remembered him beating me for anything. The only thing I remember was he used to threat me with his belt, and that was only once. When I was in college, my father would speak to me almost everyday on phone. We didn't talked much. He would ask if I have ate and if I have money.

I am very bad at making decision. Whenever I went shopping with my father, I always asked him to chose for me. He chose clothes to my umbrella. He never hesitate to spend his money on buying the best thing for me but if I ask him to buy anything for him, he would go for the cheapest. During my freshie year at university, my father used to follow me all the way of 5 to 6 hours journey to Kuala Lumpur from Butterworth. He would accompany me until my college and then will walk away from there with his sling bag. All this is still vivid to my eyes.

Whenever I'm coming back for university break, he would cook special crab curry for me. We would eat together. He enjoyed with beer and me with lemon shandy. And I remember he would ask many of a time if his cooking were delicious, often requested me to compare them than that of my mother. I have to admit, he was a great cook but no matter how his cooking tasted, I always said they were delicious. He never scolded me even when my 'thosai' went out of shape.

My father was very protective of me. When I was in school, if any brat bully me today, the next day, she had to face my father. I remember went back home crying from driving school, the next day, my father went after the collar of the driving instructor. He reprimanded the poor driving instructor to teach me well, that why he was being paid.

I never went to kindergarten. My father was my first teacher. He taught me ABC and how to count. When I'm got a little bit more clever, he bought me exercise books. I remembered him waiting outside my classroom during the first day at school. He never let me walk alone from school, even when I was 19. He would leave his job to fetch me from school and tuition.

My father did not had any property but he lived like a king and he raised me like a princess. Whenever I hurt him unintentionally, I hurt myself too. My father was very good looking during his younger day. When he was older, he put on weight but yet he had the best facial features. He has the most captivating smile which I have exactly inherited. I had never find such a smile in any Indian men, not yet. Sometimes I find such a smile among Westeners.

I hardly see my father in worry or sadness. He spent when he had money, he remained silent when had no money. He bought us good food with his money, when he ran down of money, he cooked affordable good meals for us. He was always there when I badly to complain over something or someone. Never felt so comfortable with anyone before.

No one could love me like my father. If I'm ever destined to be someone in the future, I'm still questioning whether if he would anything similar? My father's love has no replacement. When my father was alive, there was no one more important than him to me. I love him very much and I could not forget him. No matter how well other people treat me, I still find that there is something missing. There was magic in my father, and I could not find it in others.