LOVE MATTERS

Love, love, love, it's magical in almost everyone's life. Some says that love is blind, yet I believe lovers are blind. Everything which was acceptable in love becomes guilt in marriage. In Hinduism, our ancestors had been fervently practising on the habit of 'match-making' , whereby we have 10 'porutham' (matches).

Following are the matches:

- Dhina Kuta - match for fortune/misfortune/good health
- Gana Kuta - match for character and temperament, to ensure happy life.
- Mahendra Kuta -match for luck through children
-Stree Deergha Kuta - match for financial stability / prosperity
-Yoni - match for sexual compatibility
-Rasi - match for life quality (wealth vs poverty, happiness vs sorrow, health vs disease, unity vs separation)
- Rasi Adipathi - match for affection towards each other
-Vasya - match for co-operation and mutual love
-Rajju - match for strength and duration of married life
-Vedha- match for prevention of affliction or persistant distress.

There are more of these 'porutham', but these 10 are considered vital at this modern age. 5 of these porutham are considered extremely important for marriage. Those are Dhina, Gana, Rajju, Yoni and Rasi.
Dhina and Rajju were seen important as they predict the longevity of marriage and prevents early death of either one of the couples. On the other hand, Gana, Yoni and Rasi symbolize the quality  and the stability of the marriage. If they scores 8 matches or more, the unity is considered as excellent.

Nowadays, arranged marriages are always the last option. Youths prefers their own choice, withdrawing the hassles of match-making from their parents. Love marriage is common, love first, horoscope next and it is usually only for the satisfaction of the elderly in the family. Even when there is mismatch, some couples insists to marry. Some still end up marrying after performing some religious ritual (parikaram). And we can't say that these factors alone will lead to 'happily ever after' life. There is some misconception about match-making, it is never to find a perfect marriage, but it is just an effort to sustain as much as happiness and unity in marriage.

In my opinion, our life is affected by Karma and we have to face what is meant for us. Even 'parikaram' can't help to eliminate but just merely alleviate the effect of the Karma. When parents opt for 10 porutham, I wonder if anyone cared for 'Mana porutham' ? Simply carries the meaning as soul-match. 20 to 30 years ago, women were obedient to their husband's word. Now, with highly educated population on rise, do we still preserve such attitude? Ego grows along with education and career. Men and women are equal. This is when 'Mana Porutham' beats all the rest of the porutham.

Love is rarely eternal in this age. Marriages are often ending in divorces. I think, lack of understanding between the couples are one of the most outstanding reason. You can tolerate your lover, but not your spouse. If you dislike certain charateristics of him or her, don't you see that when both of you were in love? In love, a common mistake is trying to impress each other. I think a better method would be to upset each other. If your weaknesses are visible before unity, better decision could be made in determining if the relationship is to be continued or to be discontinued.

 'Mana porutham' includes your intimacy in sharing happiness and sorrow, ability to sustain difficulties together, ability to complement each other's imperfections, ability to remain loyal to each other, ability to pursue trust on each other, ability to protect each others need and ability to defend each other. Usually, love starts with sexual attraction to opposite gender, but develops deeply into the other aspects.That is what make it beautiful.. However, many of us think differently, such as love is to be together, love is to call each other, love is to control each other and others.



If you're in love, and you wants to marry him/her:

- First ask yourself, why you love him/her? (Often love has no reason. Beauty, sexual need, despair,dependency and pride are example of affection, and not truly love)

- Second, ask yourself, if you're willing to commit? (Analyze the weaknesses first, and think you can tolerate that for the rest of your marriage?)

- Third, if you're a girl, are you accepting him for the way he is? (Girls, be cautious. You're the most significant victim in marriage. You can love any handsome idiot, but when it comes to marriage, choose the one who can make you happy. He should not be afraid of responsibility and pursue some degree of stability in life. If you choose the right person, your children will be thanking you for giving them a wonderful father)

- Fourth, if you're a guy, are you a man yet? (Of course age defines your manhood generally, but your attitude and thinking define it specifically. Are you ready to be the family's head? Can you support your wife's needs? May it be financially, physically or psychologically? Are ready to be loyal? If you're just looking around for sexual pleasure merely, I think you're not ready for marriage, don't commit and suffer later.)

Ok friends, there is neither perfect man nor perfect woman in this world. Everyone has weakness. There is no perfect partner, but a partner who makes you to feel perfect is the best gift in life.Almost everyone has your own soulmate, it's just that you haven't meet him or her yet. Time is the best answer. Anyway, remember, arrogance is the tight enemy in love. If eveything else is fine, at times you have to deal with your own ego. Otherwise, you might have your soulmate walking away from your life.

Stay Loved! Happy Valentine (I believe it is not annually but daily)