I don't know why but I felt like March 2012 was overall lengthy. Time passes rather slowly. Perhaps, that's how we feel when we're heartbroken. Anyway, March had much spices in it. The beginning was rather dull as I had to face many of difficult personalities. There was battle with the egoistic ones but recalling my Sai's teaching, I decided to be humble. And that is exactly to forgive, though forgeting is hard. I often feel as if I'm hearing His voice, saying 'Mai, apologize and end the problem, or otherwise you will hurt Sai'.
Sometimes, I tend to ask 'Why me ?' but at another time, I felt proud of my ability in managing the challenging issues. I like myself for being myself. The best part is when I act accroding to my heart's whisper rather than my brain's yell. And I'm sure there will be no regrets, even if I appeared stupid in front of the world.
March is a 'welcome back to my pathethic career life' month. No affection. No excitement. I did felt a lot not appreciated by my superiors. Money is their only concern and my other hard earned efforts went unrecognized. March showed me sadists and hypocrites. And I have to admit expectation do seriously lead to disappointment. Caring for wrong people are not practical. Over-caring is dangerous too, as people can misuse your care. March made me feel like a sad, sad, pathethic woman but sadness isn't new in my life. The deeper I fall, the greater I rise, with the unconditional love from my Guru, my Sai.
My godbro has been a lot caring towards me. He knew I'm a bit tensed and he too worried about myself. He even offered if I want move in to Ipoh and work there, at least I can be closer to him. He topped RM30 for me, perhaps to make me happier. I really appreciate his brotherly love. Well, I seriously don't know what to do. My boss has been threatening me over termination if I fail to show improvement in his highly-expected-sales target. Frankly, I think it will take forever for me to reach there.
Recently, I had met up with my bestie, after a short break. Well, she had grown better in grooming her curls, haha. She said that she is not living any life. It's like work, back home and sleep. I'm doing exactly the same too. At least, she get to practice riding bike for her license. The good news is she is getting better with the skills, and yet she admitted how hard it was in the beginning. She felt pity over myself and decided to make me feel better. She said, 'Reva, not again..'..'I mean why it has to happen to you always.." Regarding my work, she has been pushing me to post my resume to the Jobstreet. The obstacle is my lazy attitude, I'm too lazy to think about future.
Then, we had a long conversation on how bad the world is now, and yeah, I admit, that sounds a lot like 'paati'. We both are seriously afraid of the unseen part of life. For example, what if we have to marry a total stranger ? They can be a drug addict, have HIV, a gay or whatever. As I said before, the world is bad. Both men and women, are becoming shameless, and trying to hide the fact behind the name of modernization. Then, I said that it why we have to opt for pre-marital screening, BP has special promotion for the month :P You can never judge a man by his innocent face.
March has been like a month of attempt, for love affairs perhaps, haha. Firstly, there's this guy who had proposed me earlier last year but I'm not into him. And then he tried again but I haven't changed anything about my decision. Well, this guy is a good person at heart but I can feel some desperation in his approach. And I can feel that his mind is still over his ex- girlfriend. Heart doesn't just pump blood, it generates special feelings too, weirdly it doesn't work the same for every single individual we meet. And I'm not into principle like, be with the one who loves you and whether you love this person back is not as important. I feel it sounds more like a sacrifice, which may lead to frustration or regret in the future. Whatever you do, do it wholeheartedly. Do not try to console yourself to accept something, if you are not into it. And I strongly believe, God has created soulmate for everyone, if it is fated.
Secondly, my bestie said, if I want to get to know one of her good-looking and successful cousin. I said, 'Podee'. Thirdly, one of my close colleague showed her interest in introducing me to her close guy friend. I said that I have no problem in making new friendship :) Forthly, a new acquaintance. Roadside acquaintance. This particular guy followed me while I was on my way back home. He wants to be my friend and asked for my contact number. And yea of course, I don't give number to strangers.
Other side of my life, my thesis is getting published in a journal. My supervisor offered me to be the first author. I have accepted her offer but now I'm struggling over the time. Translating a Malay-work to English isn't easy, especially to preserve the essence of the right meaning. Something new? I have been offered to provide English tuition for a girl with hearing impairment. It sounds challenging. Many issues here, from the hearing impairment itself to language barrier. But I decided to give it a try.
March has been fervently calling me into the world of business. I am interested into selling some health products.Well, I have initiated this but I guess my sister is doing the better role. We decided to make a sisterly collaboration. More than this, there has been business calls, even from strangers in bus. Firstly, an elderly uncle was aggressively persuading me into promoting his herbal haircare product while I was travelling to Sungai Petani and another young man was inviting me to attend a talk on new educational device while I was travelling home by bus. I'm not interested in both.
A close of friend of mine has been inviting me into Amway too. The plan was slightly different than previous Amway plans. It requires to continuously consume and build your network. It sounded nice but I found myself lacking of commitment and mobility. Excuses! But I knew myself. I can't stick to one beauty product brand for more than 3 months. Amway has great rewards for the hard-working people. Imagine it is possible for you to own BMW 7 Series. But me, yea me, I'm not looking for a super rich lifestyle. I'm happy with an apartment by beach side. I'm contented with a home-made candlelight dinner with a loved one. Being ambitious and money-minded has never been my greatest interest. Deeply. I'm a romantic humanitarian.
The End of spicy March, curious of what April has for me ...
Love
Me
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